Maybe you’ve been concerned about your mom recently. As she ages, you’re noticing a few worrisome signs that her needs at home are about to evolve beyond her independence. Sure, you’d love to stop by the house more frequently to help, but with a career and family schedule, it’s nearly impossible for you to take on this massive responsibility. It's a typical scenario in families, and it usually results in uprooting a senior to a nursing home or assisted living facility or retaining professional home care. However, people can be stubborn, especially parents who may be insecure about a type of "role reversal" happening. Your parent not only refuses to leave home, but Mom or Dad is rejecting the very idea of a professional caregiver. So how do you get them on board when they want to stay home but don’t want help from a professional caregiver? Here are five ways to find a caregiving compromise. Talk Through Their Fears — and YoursIt’s not easy for your parents to admit they need help. The thought of having another person in the home to help them perform tasks that used to be routine could make them quite uncomfortable. Of course, over time, that professional home health aide can become a close friend and partner, but it may take a while and trust-building. Work through these fears with your parents instead of forcing a solution. When an adult child becomes too controlling, the resistance from your parents is bound to increase. A 2004 study from SUNY Albany found this to be accurate, stating that participants were ambivalent about receiving care and “use a variety of strategies to deal with their ambivalent feelings, such as minimizing the help they receive, ignoring or resisting children’s attempts to control.” Though you may be frustrated by rejection and reticence, put yourself in their shoes. Be understanding, and once your parent feels understood, explain your point of view. Remember not to be patronizing or disrespectful, but share your genuine concerns about being able to stay home safely. More Dancing, Less WrestlingAn expert in geriatric communication and family relationships, David Solie, wrote a book about the best ways to navigate these difficult conversations. It was called “How to Say It to Seniors: Closing the Communication Gap with Our Elders.” Solie recommends the partnership approach and advocates for adult children to “put control on the table” rather than commandeering the process. He believes conversations about care should be “more dancing, less wrestling.” To that end, he offers many tools to talk in more concrete, visual ways about the current situation and the proposed solution. His "dance cards" provide go-to strategies on topics like resetting expectations and minding the gap, and his caregiver “mind maps” allow a caregiver to lay out in detail all the aspects of care to be considered. You could also keep a journal of your parents’ changing in-home senior care needs. All of these checklists and resources are especially helpful in getting buy-in from siblings as well, as your parents may not be the only ones opposed to bringing in-home care. Consider the RisksStaying home without any support can be risky. For one family, an aging spouse refused any at-home living assistance. The family has been worried about his waning mobility. Ultimately, he suffered a fall, which led to a hospitalization and, unfortunately, his passing — as he was not able to recover from the injuries he sustained. While no family can be fully prepared for a fall or other type of sudden health event, there are ways to prevent injuries and incidents that lead to such devastating outcomes — and having a professional caregiver as a presence in the home is one of them. Of course, not every fall results in such a tragic outcome; however, the road to recovery can be a turbulent one for a senior who has fallen. Along with doubling the risk of falling again after falling just once, the sheer financial impact can be crippling. All of this is to say, the risk of leaving Mom or Dad alone when he or she needs help isn't worth it, and you must discuss the risks with your parent. Work With a MediatorYou’ve explored every avenue of persuasion, using all the logic at your disposal, but it may be there is just no convincing Mom or Dad that this is the best option. That’s when bringing in a neutral third party to moderate the conversation could make a difference in the outcome. Sometimes your parents need to hear the options, risks, benefits, and challenges presented by someone who is not as emotionally invested as you are. A mediator may also help lessen the guilt burden many parents put on their children for considering home care. AARP offers these resources for finding a mediator, should this approach work best for your family. Present Options and Let Them ChooseEmpower your parents to decide on home care by gathering information on some providers. Ask for their input: what do they value in a home care company? What’s the budget? Talk about what a professional caregiver can do that they maybe never considered as an option: like providing companionship, or helping with housework and transportation to doctor’s appointments. Once you’ve gathered information on a few options, sit down together to discuss the pros and cons. Remember: even as you partner with a professional caregiver, you will still play an essential role as coordinator and advocate. Your opinion on a trusted in-home caregiver is equally valuable. Need more advice on building consensus on home care among the family? Visiting Angels Newton/Canton can help. Contact us today at 617-795-2727. About Visiting Angels Newton/Canton Visiting Angels Newton/Canton MA is an award-winning local home care agency providing high caliber in-home care services to the elderly and people with disabilities. Countless families have benefited from our Alzheimer's care, dementia home care, companion care, senior care, respite support, transitional aid, and at home living assistance services in Westwood, Norwood, Brookline, Watertown, Needham, Dedham, Canton, Stoughton, Natick, Wellesley, Newton, Chestnut Hill, Roslindale, and nearby towns.
We are honored to have been awarded Top Places to Work by the Boston Globe for five years. We have also earned the Best of Home Care – Leader in Excellence, Trusted Provider, Best of Home Care Provider, and Best of Home Care Employer by Home Care Pulse. We are proudly accredited by the Home Care Alliance of Massachusetts. While non-medical in nature, the care provided by Visiting Angels Newton/Canton can make a significant impact on your loved one's happiness and quality of life. Call us at 617-795-2727 for information.
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When hiring a caregiving service, many family caregivers remove themselves from the situation. They envision care as a two-part equation. Care recipient on one side - home care agency on the other. In truth, family caregivers are a crucial part of this equation. Caregiving is easier when family members and professional caregivers support one another. It allows you to split caregiving responsibilities effectively. It will enable you to focus on the care duties you’re most comfortable handling. Also, it helps you avoid caregiver burnout, which is common among family caregivers. Preventing caregiver burnout is equally crucial for your well-being. Caregiving improves or maintains quality of life for your loved one. However, that shouldn’t come at the cost of your self-care. Without support from professional caregivers, it is possible for your physical, mental, and emotional health to suffer. So when you are hiring home care services, it’s essential to keep your schedule, needs, and well-being in mind. Moreover, you’ll want to do the same for other family caregivers who provide care for your loved one. Coordinating with Home Care Agencies When you’re hiring a caregiving service, whether it is respite care, live-in care, dementia care, or other assistance, there are several areas where it helps to coordinate between family caregivers and home care professionals. Below are six areas where this can make a big difference in the quality of life for the care recipient and family caregivers.
Finding the Right Home Care Provider Choosing the right home care provider will make coordinating care between family caregivers and care professionals seamless. So, it’s crucial to keep this in mind during consultations with home care agencies. A comfortable rapport and feeling of confidence in your case manager are essential.
When you meet with home care agencies, you’ll want to focus primarily on your loved one’s needs and routines. However, you should find time to discuss your own needs as well as those of other family caregivers. Can care be scheduled in a way that makes your life more workable? Are there care tasks that you’d preferably have performed by a professional? Will you need respite visits to allow for self-care? At the same time, you’ll want to develop a good relationship with the agency and its home health aides. These are the people who you’ll be planning, coordinating, and working with throughout the duration of your loved one’s care. As such, it’s essential that you start with a foundation of comfort and trust. Visiting Angels Newton/Canton is an award-winning home care agency with an excellent track record with over fifteen years of experience in the home care industry. Our case managers and care providers understand the tremendous role family caregivers have in the care equation. Because of this, we go the extra mile to work with our clients’ family members to provide caregivers with the support they need. Our case managers and office staff make it a priority to communicate with you and your family about changes in schedules, medication needs, appointments, and the day-to-day needs of our clients and their family caregivers. About Visiting Angels Newton/Canton Visiting Angels Newton/Canton senior home care agency provides quality in-home care services to seniors and people with disabilities. Countless families have benefited from our dementia home care, Alzheimer’s care, companion care, respite support, transitional aid, and elder home care services in Wellesley, Natick, Newton, Needham, Brookline, Chestnut Hill, Canton, Westwood, Dedham, Watertown, Stoughton, Roslindale, Norwood, and nearby towns. The services provided by Visiting Angels Newton/Canton will be sure to make a positive impact on your loved one’s happiness and quality of life. Call us today at 617-795-2727 for more information. When making care decisions for a family member who is showing signs of memory loss, dementia or Alzheimer’s, it’s vital to understand the stages that they may go through. By having a better understanding of the changes in behavior and abilities, you can choose the most effective course of action for your loved one’s treatment and care with the help of doctors and caregivers. Alzheimer’s and dementia place a heavy burden on family and friends. The Alzheimer’s Association states that, in 2017, 16.1 million family members and friends provided 18.4 billion hours of unpaid care to people with Alzheimer’s and other dementias, at a value of over $232 billion. Plus, the slow progression through the stages by the patient leads to long-term care duties for the unpaid Alzheimer’s and dementia caregivers. The Alzheimer’s Association says that 86 percent have provided care for at least the past year, and half have been providing care for four or more years. Depending on the severity of the memory loss of the senior, families often seek help from home care services, ranging from a little respite care to 24-hour home care assistance. The following stages are based on the Reisberg Scale, developed by Dr. Barry Reisberg of New York University. Ultimately, the stage of dementia will be determined by a doctor through the use of tests and examinations. To help make the phases more relatable, we’ll outline some real-world scenarios to go with the more clinical definitions. Stage 1: Normal/No ImpairmentThere are no outward signs of memory loss or dementia, and your loved one’s behavior and mood have not changed. “Laura is still keeping a full calendar, from volunteering at the local hospital to meeting her friends for lunch a few times a week. She’s sharp as a tack, too. She’s started working on digital photography courses and picked it right up.” Stage 2: Very Mild/Normal Aged ForgetfulnessThe second stage of dementia is mostly one that the person subjectively notices happening to themselves. Typical examples would be someone thinking they don’t remember names as well as they used to, or temporarily forgetting where their keys are more often. If someone seems to be in stage 2, some studies have shown that they may progress more rapidly through the following stages. “Paul feels that he’s more forgetful when it comes to places and names, but that it’s not affecting him at work. He’s getting older, so it’s probably just typical stuff for someone his age.” Stage 3: Mild Cognitive ImpairmentIn this stage, changes begin to be noticeable by friends and family. The person can probably get through their daily routine, but a range of symptoms can be observed. There can be higher levels of forgetfulness and memory loss, including more repetitive questions from the person. More complex activities that involve planning and organizations can become challenging, which can be particularly worrisome when it comes to staying on top of medications. There can also be a loss of concentration, higher levels of anxiety, and overall confusion. Stage 3 is where initial Alzheimer’s testing typically occurs, so be sure to encourage family members to be tested. “Jackie is starting to worry me because she’s still trying to do everything she’s used to doing, but she has trouble with her memory. I can also tell that she gets frustrated when she notices it happening.” Stage 4: Moderate DementiaFor people in this stage, tasks like cooking, shopping and cleaning are very hard to accomplish without assistance. Issues with memory loss and forgetfulness intensify and should be very apparent to casual acquaintances. Proper speech and “finding the right words” can be a challenge as well. There can also be noticeable psychological changes, most often seen in withdrawal from social situations. Usually, this is a state of denial where the subject knows their mental facilities are in decline but don’t want to admit it, even to themselves. Rather than engage in a conversation and forget a name, or try to order from a menu and misspeak, they will avoid the situation. This stage is also named mild Alzheimer’s disease, and diagnoses in this stage are often very accurate. “I’m glad Les has his family close by because he’s been in decline the last few months. It has to be hard on them to assist in more and more activities, especially as he seems to be more and more withdrawn.” Stage 5: Moderately Severe DementiaWhen a person enters this stage of dementia, they typically need frequent assistance to make it through their daily activities. There is often an inability to recall necessary, deeply ingrained information, such as phone numbers, home address, or schools attended. Someone in stage 5 would have great difficulty living an independent life. They may need living assistance in a variety of areas, from picking the proper clothes for the weather to eating regular, healthy meals to handling basic tasks like paying a bill. “When I saw Mari the other day, she was wearing short sleeves even though it was 40 degrees outside. I’ve also noticed her not being able to recall her home address, which makes me glad she has someone coming to provide in-home care every day.” Stage 6: Severe DementiaIn stage 6, having full-time care is a must for most patients. They often need help to dress, bathe or use the bathroom. Things that seem as simple as flushing the toilet will be forgotten, leading to cleanliness and sanitary issues within the house. The memory loss can also manifest itself in the person wandering or getting lost and forgetting the names of family members. A breakdown of speaking ability can often occur later in this stage, making it harder for family members and home caregivers to meet the needs of the person. Emotional and behavioral changes can be quite troubling in this stage as well, as those who have severe dementia can be increasingly paranoid and hostile. “John’s family seemed very distraught when discussing his current condition with me. They’re so worried about his behavior that they’re cutting back on visits from friends to see him. Plus, he’s at a stage where things that would be very embarrassing are routinely happening, and they want to protect people’s good memories of him.” Stage 7: Very Severe DementiaStage 7 is the final stage of dementia and patients require full-time care. Moving, eating, talking can be nearly impossible for some people, so even trained professional caregivers can find themselves taxed by the needs of the patient. Symptoms of this stage often include a loss of the ability to speak and communicate, a loss of awareness for people and surroundings, and the failure of motor control, which can lead to an inability to control facial expressions. “It’s troubling to visit Doris these days as there isn’t much of her personality or even physical state left that you would recognize. Thankfully, she has very patient and caring people looking after her who are trying to make her final days as good as they can be.” ConclusionIf you can identify symptoms from any of the stages outlined above in your loved ones, please reach out to their primary caregiver to begin the process of testing. Early detection can be instrumental in managing the progression of the disease and also give you time to plan the approach to caregiving that is right for your family, whether it’s assisted living, friends and family, or in-home care by HHAs and CNAs. About Visiting Angels Newton/Canton Visiting Angels Newton/Canton MA is an award-winning local home care agency providing high caliber in-home care services to elderly and people with disabilities. Countless families have benefited from our dementia home care, Alzheimer’s care, companion care, respite support, transitional aid, and senior home care services in Needham, Dedham, Brookline, Chestnut Hill, Wellesley, Newton, Canton, Westwood, Watertown, Natick, Stoughton, Roslindale, Norwood, and nearby towns. While non-medical in nature, the care provided by Visiting Angels Newton/Canton can make a significant impact on your loved one’s happiness and quality of life. Worrying about aging family members is the reality for many adult children, whether their loved ones live alone or with a spouse whose health or memory is failing; however, it’s especially hard when you live far away. You know Dad’s getting to an age where he cannot be entirely independent. What happens when you or your siblings are not around to drop in on him? With families more spread out than ever, long-distance caregiving has become the norm for many. The upside? Technology and other community-based services, tools, and resources make it possible to create a network of care for an elderly loved one in a different city or state. Here are some ways to care for your aging loved one when you don’t live locally. Use Video Chat to CommunicateIf you’re not doing it already, encourage your loved one to use video chat technology like Zoom, Skype or FaceTime to keep in touch. When you can’t drop by in person, plan a video call with your father — an excellent way to find out how he’s doing. Maybe Dad looks content and healthy but sounds sad on the phone because he misses you. On the other hand, he may sound cheery on the phone — trying to put your mind at ease — but when you see his face in real time, you see how your mother’s passing is wearing on him. As you check in more regularly this way, take notes and keep track of subtle hints he may need more help or signs that he is lonely and may need some friendly visitors. Make a Family & Friend Visit ScheduleSocial isolation is one of the biggest pitfalls of growing older at home. For many aging couples, even caregiving can result in isolation, despite not being alone. As your Mom cares for your father through a dementia diagnosis, both can suffer socially. She may start to feel internally isolated as the man she’s loved for decades starts changing. The relationship becomes less of a partnership and more of stewardship. It is also harder to stay connected to friends; seniors may receive fewer visitors while getting out into the community less frequently. Friendly visitors — relatives, good friends, neighbors or even volunteers from a local community organization – can provide the companionship a lonely loved one needs. Try to keep a calendar of who is coming and when so that visitors honor their commitments and do not randomly show up unannounced. Don’t have any cousins or relatives to call? Contact your parent’s local Area Agency on Aging to learn about organizations that provide these types of visits. Automate Bills & PillsThe advent of secure online banking, and prescription delivery services, means you don’t always have to sit at Mom’s desk to help renew her prescriptions or pay her bills. It may be helpful to get everything set up in person first when you are in town (maybe even visiting Mom’s local bank branch and pharmacy to touch base) but then automate as much as possible so you can manage it when you return home. It’s important not to gloss over this vital part of senior care. Our elderly loved ones – especially those facing declining mental faculties – can and will forget about things like medication and bills. Save your parent time and lots of money in charges by ensuring their obligations are automated. For prescriptions, consider professional help as prescription management will aid your loved one and possibly avoid costly hospital admission. Shop & Ship OnlineIf Dad needs an abundant supply of incontinence products and he has trouble getting to the grocery store, Amazon Prime and grocery delivery services through significant stores like Target, Instacart or Peapod can step in when you are not around. Some of these online shopping options offer discounts on repeat items, so if you know Dad needs adult diapers every two months, you may be able to save some money by setting up recurring orders. Foster Community Engagement OpportunitiesSet up Uber transportation or a city transit ride so Mom can go to the library or her favorite hairdresser once a month. Reach out to your parents’ community center, if possible, to find out what support services they might offer for older adults who don’t have family in the area. If your Dad still drives, research local volunteer opportunities that may help him get out of the house for a bit and stay socially connected. You may not imagine it a necessity, but know that your parent may not know how to become socially involved with others, despite feeling lonely. Aging can take a toll on our loved ones, and they may feel increasingly less motivated to leave the house. That’s when your encouragement is helpful. Add a Professional Caregiver to the TeamDistance does make things a little more complicated when your parents are aging as it is not always realistic for you to move closer to them or to uproot them and bring them to your home territory. There are ways to foster their independence and success at home. Once you’ve built a care network through the avenues described above, you may also want to consider a professional caregiver from a trusted home care provider. What can a professional caregiver do to help? There is a wide range of non-medical home care services available, from meal prep and laundry, to help with light housework, to medical appointment transportation and more — some partner with a professional caregiver solely for the companionship benefits. Moreover, you can still organize and coordinate this care, even if you don’t live locally. A professional home caregiver can be your eyes and ears on Dad, or the extra hands Mom needs around the house. To learn more, visit visitingangels.com/newton. About Visiting Angels Newton/Canton Visiting Angels Newton/Canton senior home care agency provides quality in-home care services to seniors and people with disabilities. Countless families have benefited from our dementia home care, Alzheimer’s care, companion care, respite support, transitional aid, and elder home care services in Wellesley, Natick, Newton, Needham, Brookline, Chestnut Hill, Canton, Westwood, Dedham, Watertown, Stoughton, Roslindale, Norwood, and nearby towns. The services provided by Visiting Angels Newton/Canton will be sure to make a positive impact on your loved one’s happiness and quality of life. Call us today at 617-795-2727 for more information. If you have never cared for an elderly loved one, you might think that anyone can provide home care services. However, if you have cared for a parent or grandparent, you know that high-quality care takes a unique mix of skill, patience, and experience. It’s an essential point for anyone hiring home care services: high-quality senior home care means experienced senior home care. To most people, that means hiring a caregiver with a proven background in senior services. While important, this is not all you should look for in senior home care. It’s just as crucial that you’re choosing a qualified, well-respected agency. If the agency is a part of a more extensive network, you’ll also want to consider their experience as an organization. Trusted & Proven Company-Level ReputationAmerica’s most trusted caregiving companies are well-established names with proven track records. Usually, the easiest way to find qualified senior home care is to look for companies with a history of high-quality care. The best home care companies earn their reputations by sharing resources, knowledge, and experience at every level of their organization. They also set and enforce rigorous caregiving standards, giving clients and their families peace of mind. Families choose Visiting Angels for skilled elder home care. As a company, Visiting Angels has more than 20 years of caregiving experience. Over the years, it has created a rigorous support network for its local offices, allowing them to share knowledge and expertise. Every office is provided with the systems, tools, and educational resources needed to deliver truly exceptional care. Visiting Angels Newton/Canton has been a member of this franchise since 2004. Our excellent customer feedback has enabled us to win Best of Home Care from the national client satisfaction survey firm, Home Care Pulse five years in a row. |
AuthorVisiting Angels Newton/Canton is an award-winning in-home care agency that provides high quality home care to seniors and disabled adults in Greater Boston, MA. Archives
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